Stress At Work (And I'm Getting Mushy)

Hello again. It's been a while since I have updated this blog, so I thought I'd fix that. I'm going to start using this one as more of a journal (it's original intention) since I write about politics and religion over at Red Town Blues.

Me with a silly chef hat. Unrelated to anything in this post, or my actual chef hat, but added because it's funny.

Stress At Work
I'm not usually one to complain about stupid shit, but this has been really stressing me out. At work they transferred my lead chef. Brady and I had a system worked out, we knew exactly what needed to be done, how to do it, and what we could both accomplish in a day. While he was my boss, he didn't have to boss me around. He gave me the list of things I needed to get done during the day, and I did it. No problems.

My new lead chef isn't fully trained yet. She has a week of sous cheffing under her belt, which isn't a problem, everyone has to learn sometime, but she has already taken the 'Boss' role. I don't need to be told what to do. I'm trained and capable. I know what it takes to fill our case, what sells, how much to make on any given day, and I have all the recipes committed to memory (I wish I didn't. I also have most of the product codes memorized to print price tags. I'm sure I will be 90 and remember this stuff). I don't need to be bossed around, but she doesn't seem to think so. I guess I really should just go with it. Just get into work, play the game, and go home. I just can't get why someone who is not fully trained thinks I need to be told what to do. I'm fucking training her! And now she wants to go look at how the other stores organize their cases so we can do it like them. Why, I ask, why would we do that? We consistently hit #1-#5, out of 14 stores. Also, we have a different physical set up than most stores. We can't copy them because we don't have the same coolers! I have low expectations for how this is going to turn out.

I'm also stressed because we have another new chef. She is learning fast, and I have no personal issues with her, but she is also not fully trained. That means on my days off, for the moment, we have two untrained chefs working the case. So when I get back, I'm gonna have a lot to fix. Things they didn't do, things they did all funky (new people always do funky things, I did when I was new. I had a chef trainer who was much more patient than I*), and things they put in wrong place. I know this will fix itself as time and training progress, but for now it really sucks.

*This is especially funny to me because I had an old coworker come into the store the other day. I told him I had two trainees and he said, "That sucks for you. You have, like, no patience."


Enough about work.

I'm Getting Mushy
On the 4th, Cori and I went up to her parents house. They live up on a hill on the east side and it has a great view of the valley for watching fireworks. Cori's oldest brother and his wife and kid came as well. We had a wonderful dinner, BBQ chicken (Bob makes great BBQ!), and had great conversation. But the part that I really enjoyed was when they were trying to teach Cori's nephew everyone's names. They were going across the table, pointing to everyone, "Grandpa, Grandma, GG (Great Grandma), Aunt Cori, Uncle Skyler." Then they stopped and looked at me and said, "Is that OK? Can he call you Uncle?" And I was like, "Ya! That's totally OK!" It warmed my heart and made me feel like more a part of the family (not that I didn't before). It's a feeling that's kind of stuck with me ever since. I'm considered an Uncle! I love it!

And then I realized that I must be getting old and mushy. If this was a few years ago I wouldn't have really cared, but now it makes my heart happy. Even more evidence I'm getting mushy is that I don't mind. I am totally OK with it, because it's totally fucking awesome! I'm an Uncle!

Higher Education

This weekend I was lucky enough to see 3 college graduations. It was pretty cool to see all the hard work pay off. My dad graduated with his Associates degree, and that was really inspiring. If he can do it, then I'm sure I can. Cori's brother, Kyle, got his Bachelors degree and his commission as an officer in the military. The commission ceremony took place in a small room and felt really intimate. Kyle's wife, Stephanie, also graduated and got her Masters degree. I was surprised to see how many masters and doctoral candidates there were at the ceremony. Unfortunately I wasn't able to attend my friend Jen's graduation due to scheduling conflicts. She got her Masters degree.

I really enjoyed seeing (and hearing about) everyones graduations. It's always good to see hard work being rewarded. I was also really inspired by the whole thing. It made me want to go back to school even more so than I already did. I want to be able to learn how to do something fun and useful. I want out of the grocery business. I want to try new thing.

And so I applied to SLCC, got accepted, and filled out my FAFSA today. I'm going back to school, and I'm going to kick some ass.

Punk

Lately I have been really getting back into punk rock. I kind of drifted from it for a while, but I never left it. I have found that my temperament has changed in the last few years, and a lot of the aggression I had has faded. In short, I'm a much happier individual now than just a few years back.

I don't have the same 'fuck all' attitude I used to have. I haven't needed it. It seems so much easier to be nice to people until they aren't nice back. I'd rather give folks I meet the benefit of the doubt than just assume they aren't worth my time. It makes me happy to help people at work, it isn't a chore like it once was. There are still annoying customers, and I still bitch about them, but they aren't all annoying. I am much more likely now to enjoy an interesting story from a stranger than I ever have been. I've noticed I'm a much more gentle person now than I was 3 years ago. Anyway, back to my point.

I used to love going to punk shows. All summer long I would take days off to go see shows. I would make a day of it. Get together whoever was going with, go get dinner, get to the venue, buy a t-shirt (this is tradition. buy a shirt, wear it the whole concert. It doesn't matter how hot it is, you wear that shirt! Then you wear it the next day, let everyone enjoy the stench of an awesome show.), rock out, go get drinks (soda's) and head home around midnight. So epic. There were so many good shows! But then I stopped enjoying it. It just didn't seem like a fun use of my time. It was hot, expensive, noisy, crowded, and just unpleasant. So I quit going. I also quit listening to as much punk. It just wasn't really what I wanted to hear anymore. 

Well I went through this funk for a while, but now I am really getting back into it. the music sounds so good again! I think it's because I have been writing a political blog with some friends. Or that it is getting warm outside. Or any number of awesome things that have been happening lately. I feel great! I never quit being a punk at heart, I just took a vacation from it, and now I'm back! 

Punk isn't about the music, it's about the attitude. Punk is doing what you want because you want to do it. Punk is questioning authority. Punk is doing what makes you happy. Punk is never selling out, never caring what others think, doing shit your own way, and standing up for what's right. It's raw, harsh and abrasive. It's freedom. Punk may be loud and angry, but it's that way to get your attention. To raise your awareness of the iniquities of this country, of this social structure. We may be great, but we still have problems, as individuals and as a society. 

I may not be the angry kid I once was, but I am still a Punk. I can still bring forth that focused anger when it's needed to fight against injustices, whether personal or national. I still don't give a shit what others think, I still do things my way, I still question authority. I may be a calmer individual, but I am still a Punk. And I'm damn happy to be one.

Life Is Good, All Things Considered

Just an update.

Life is good. I really can't complain about things lately. Nothing awesome has happened, but nothing terrible has happened either. I'm pretty happy right now.

I started a new blog with a friend, and we have added another friend and my sister to the authors list. It's been a fun project, and I am looking forward to seeing where it goes. All of our authors bring something different to the table, so we can attempt to reach a broader audience.

I had to work two, six day weeks. It was rough, but the paycheck will be worth it.

Anyway, just wanted to write an update, and I will hopefully be posting with some substance soon.

Judgment

He's too fat. She's got facial hair. He looks super confident. She must have an easy life, being so beautiful and all.

We have all made these, and many other, judgments about other people. It's in our nature, we developed a brain that can process visual information to quickly respond with judgments to help us survive. Lots of sharp teeth? Danger. Slow and soft? Good eats. But when it comes to todays society I think we overuse that ability. Don't get me wrong, it certainly has its place, but not like it used too.

Recently I have come to realize how much I do this. It's all subconscious, but I still find myself regretting the conclusions I come to. I'll see someone and think 'Wow he looks like a total asshole!' before I even realize I have had the thought. I regret it because I have no way of knowing if he is actually an asshole. His physical appearance does not necessarily have a correlation with what he is like. He could be a loving family man, he could be a serial killer, he could be an artist, he could be dealing with the death of a loved one, he could just be having a bad day, and here I am, judging. Judging on appearances no less. What kind of bullshit is that?

It was hard when I realized I did this. Everyone likes to think of themselves as a good person, with only minor character flaws. But this was what seemed, to me anyways, like a huge hole in my 'good' person facade. Here I am, all smug and sure I am a good person, and I realize I have been judging people, picking them apart, and disliking them before I even meet them, all because they don't look like some ideal. I was actually kind of sick when it hit me that I did this ALL THE TIME! I was shell-shocked. I was finding reasons to hate complete strangers. Reasons to keep myself distanced, up on my pedestal, from the 'unwashed' masses. What kind of person does that?

Eventually I came too, and thought to myself, "Self, everyone does this." But that didn't make me feel better. Everyone does it? Why does that make it acceptable? It's a pack mentality, a group mindset. I felt even worse. Yes I'm running on my primal programming, but to whose benefit? Just because my brain says 'Hey do this!' doesn't mean I have to listen.

For the past 2 weeks I have been trying to minimize this. Give people the benefit of the doubt. Try to be a morally upright human being. It's not that easy. It is certainly not easy to shift paradigms, and especially not in 2 weeks, but I'm trying. This life is the only one I get, and I aim to be the best person I can be. It can be hard to change, it certainly has been and I haven't made much progress yet, but it needs to be done. Sometimes you realize what you have been doing for years is wrong. Just plain, flat-out, horribly wrong. You can either continue down the easy familiar road, or strive to change. I don't want to be remembered as the guy who made fun of anyone who was different than him. I want to be remembered as the guy who always gave people a chance and let their deeds determine their worth. It's going to be an uphill battle, but it is one I intend to win.

Oh, and the funny thing is is this was all brought about by reading a comic. A comic of all things. I hope you all have a pleasant evening, and please try not to judge others on appearance, but on deed and character. Those are what matter.

I Got Some Mail

I went to sort my mail today and I found this letter,

That's just the outside of the letter. I assumed it was a crazy style letter because they underlined, like, half of the words for emphasis (which is a typical crazy maneuver). So I opened it up to find this,

It's my very own Jesus Prayer Rug! It's Soaked with the Power of Prayer! (Why does every crazy Christian thing I read have random capitalization and underlines/italics? They don't make any sense, they just throw them in there.)You can't see it, but on the bottom of the Jesus Prayer Rug, it tells me that Jesus' eyes are closed but if I look into them and have faith they will open up and stare back into mine. How romantic! Then I'm supposed to pray on the prayer rug and the St. Mathews Church will help me! I just have to write down what I prayed for here,

Notice the section for my enclosed seed gift to the church. Now after I do all this I then have to take it to a friend to do the same thing, for some reason, before I return it. Now I was a little skeptical but they sent this testimonial with it too!

This all seemed pretty legit, so then I read yet another letter they enclosed,

You can't read it very well, but it is a LONG sermon, with half of it underlined for emphasis. Because we only need half of it emphasized. It also offers to send me a free blessed cross. This thing read like a lot of crazy. It drones on and on, but says nothing. I know this was a spam mail sent to everyone at my complex, but I found it quite funny that it ended up in my box. At least I was entertained for a few minutes before I threw my crying-white Jesus-Prayer Rug-majig away. I hope you all enjoyed as much as I did!

Marriage

In this post I'm going to wax lyrical about 2 things. My relationship as I see it, and what I believe to be a good fix to the marriage issue.

I have never been a big fan of marriage. To me a piece of paper doesn't validate anything. I would be totally happy to cohabitate with Cori for the rest of my life. That piece of paper is completely useless to me. I know how I feel about her, she knows how she feels about me. I have already made the commitment to her that anyone would expect of a husband. I am faithful, I help with the bills, I love her to pieces, I support her choices, I laugh and cry with her, hell, I even clean sometimes. I have every intention of staying with her forever. Our relationship is solid, it's based on a realistic foundation and we communicate very well. It's not always easy, but no relationship is.

That said, I completely understand the allure of marriage. First there are the legal benefits. I can stay with her at the hospital, I can be given medical information, and I have the say on procedures. Then there is the validation that some people like to have. I just have an issue with marriage, but if signing a paper, dressing up, and seeing a lot of family members makes Cori happy and keeps her around, you bet I will do it. (Not any time soon though.) Now my issues with marriage in its current state, and my plan to fix them.

My real issue with marriage is that 1) we are excluding many people who wish to get married, and 2) It is where the church and state combine.

I want to see that combination split. The state can officiate a relationship and have it legally recognized, and churches can perform their own ceremonies. This way the state can provide legal benefits to people of all genders and gender combinations who wish to be recognized by the state, and the churches can continue to disallow anyone 'not pure enough' for their hoodoo. For most people, marriage will continue just as it has. You set up your ceremony, you go get the license, ta-da! If you choose not to be recognized by the state, then you work in the bounds of your religion, or non-religion, and go from there. If you want the legal protections of marriage you can get them without having to have a ceremony.

I can already anticipate a few arguments, so I'm going to address those now.

1. What if I'm already married?/You're trying to ruin my marriage!
My plan will not terminate any previous marriage, nor will it take away the special bond you and your spouse have. It simply allows the state to bow out of having to take religious views on who is and isn't appropriate to be married, and for people who don't want to be legally tied together to enjoy being in a more committed version of their relationship.

2. Won't this ruin our tradition of marriage?
No. Marriage has already ruined itself. It's so sacred that 52% of all first marriages end in divorce, and the numbers just go up with each subsequent marriage. Everyone deserves the same benefits and legal protections, regardless of sexuality.

3.This will allow gay marriage! How morally reprehensible!
Yes it will, and no, it's not reprehensible. If you believe gay marriage is wrong, then don't marry someone of the same gender. Your opinions/religious views/ignorance do not get to decide the rights of people. Even with a majority vote. This country has protections in place to protect its citizens from the tyranny of the majority, deal with it. You don't have the right to not be offended. My idea makes it so you can have your little ceremonies and call your relationship whatever you want, and you can discriminate anyone from your little clubs for whatever reason. Churches can already refuse to join individuals for whatever reason, and you can continue to do that with my idea. The state, however, is not allowed to discriminate.

4.The definition of marriage is between a man and a woman!
Perhaps in the dictionary, but definitions change. Marriage is not like it was. If it were, divorce would be illegal, women would be property, adultery could get you legally killed, etc. Times change, get used to it.

I really hope that one day this will be the treatment marriage receives. That it will be equal. That we, as a nation, can split religion and law. Uphold the constitution, protect the rights of all of our citizens, and quit this ridiculous 'morality' argument.