Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Fuck Valentines Day

It's that time of year again. Valentines Day. I hate this holiday. Hands down, worst holiday (Easter is a close second, but deviled eggs are yummy).

Everyone seems to think that it is a very romantic day, but I am failing to see how it is. To me romance can't be forced. There is nothing romantic about me taking Cori out, buying her flowers, getting her jewelry, engraving her name in a plaque, or any of the myriad of other stupid shit people do on Valentines, if I am being expected to do it. There is zero romance in being expected to perform a task. It would be like making paying bills romantic. Love can't be forced to perform like a monkey, it has to come naturally. Love is not the giving of flowers, dinners, jewelry, red/pink hearts, etc. It is a feeling of connection and intimacy.

My other complaint is that as the man I am expected to pull out all the stops. You gotta set up dinner, buy her a gift, send her flowers, dress nicely, wear her favorite cologne, and if you can't do all that you are a failure. As the guy, I have to do it all. Ladies are expected to either put out (which should never be an expectation), or just be very happy with all their romantic gifts. Why don't the ladies have to go to the same extents? Why don't they take their men to dinner, buy him a gift (an expensive one, like what men are expected to give them, not just a little one), etc.? It would be more of a romantic gesture (seeing as it would be more unexpected).

So that is that. I hate the holiday. It's cheesy, lame, trite, idiotic, and pathetic. I hope for the day where we, as a culture, can say to ourselves, "It was Valentines day? I hadn't noticed." Fuck Valentines day.

Just For Funsies!

I was having a discussion with a coworker that inspired me to write this. We were trying to think of a speech that Obama could make that would start riots in the streets. It is scarily easier than I originally thought.

Obama's Speech:
Good evening my fellow Americans. I am here tonight to explain my newly proposed bill. You may have heard some rumors about it, and I assure you, they are all true. I have heard your complaints about my healthcare plan, and I assure you we will be removing it from the book. We will be replacing it with compulsory government issued healthcare. I have also heard the tea party's complaints about Medicare and government spending. I intend to cut government spending, and Medicare/Medicaid entirely, starting by removing any tea party members Medicare first. To help with the costs of the new healthcare system, I am instating an ammunition limit. Along with the limit, I will also be outlawing all firearms. Now to help our government bring in more revenue, I am also asking that we start taxing all churches. I said I would be introducing this new bill, and I lied. I have signed a presidential order and these laws were instated just 5 minutes before I addressed you.

Also, on a personal note, I am converting to Islam. Thank you, and goodnight.