I Got Some Mail

I went to sort my mail today and I found this letter,

That's just the outside of the letter. I assumed it was a crazy style letter because they underlined, like, half of the words for emphasis (which is a typical crazy maneuver). So I opened it up to find this,

It's my very own Jesus Prayer Rug! It's Soaked with the Power of Prayer! (Why does every crazy Christian thing I read have random capitalization and underlines/italics? They don't make any sense, they just throw them in there.)You can't see it, but on the bottom of the Jesus Prayer Rug, it tells me that Jesus' eyes are closed but if I look into them and have faith they will open up and stare back into mine. How romantic! Then I'm supposed to pray on the prayer rug and the St. Mathews Church will help me! I just have to write down what I prayed for here,

Notice the section for my enclosed seed gift to the church. Now after I do all this I then have to take it to a friend to do the same thing, for some reason, before I return it. Now I was a little skeptical but they sent this testimonial with it too!

This all seemed pretty legit, so then I read yet another letter they enclosed,

You can't read it very well, but it is a LONG sermon, with half of it underlined for emphasis. Because we only need half of it emphasized. It also offers to send me a free blessed cross. This thing read like a lot of crazy. It drones on and on, but says nothing. I know this was a spam mail sent to everyone at my complex, but I found it quite funny that it ended up in my box. At least I was entertained for a few minutes before I threw my crying-white Jesus-Prayer Rug-majig away. I hope you all enjoyed as much as I did!