I Got Some Mail

I went to sort my mail today and I found this letter,

That's just the outside of the letter. I assumed it was a crazy style letter because they underlined, like, half of the words for emphasis (which is a typical crazy maneuver). So I opened it up to find this,

It's my very own Jesus Prayer Rug! It's Soaked with the Power of Prayer! (Why does every crazy Christian thing I read have random capitalization and underlines/italics? They don't make any sense, they just throw them in there.)You can't see it, but on the bottom of the Jesus Prayer Rug, it tells me that Jesus' eyes are closed but if I look into them and have faith they will open up and stare back into mine. How romantic! Then I'm supposed to pray on the prayer rug and the St. Mathews Church will help me! I just have to write down what I prayed for here,

Notice the section for my enclosed seed gift to the church. Now after I do all this I then have to take it to a friend to do the same thing, for some reason, before I return it. Now I was a little skeptical but they sent this testimonial with it too!

This all seemed pretty legit, so then I read yet another letter they enclosed,

You can't read it very well, but it is a LONG sermon, with half of it underlined for emphasis. Because we only need half of it emphasized. It also offers to send me a free blessed cross. This thing read like a lot of crazy. It drones on and on, but says nothing. I know this was a spam mail sent to everyone at my complex, but I found it quite funny that it ended up in my box. At least I was entertained for a few minutes before I threw my crying-white Jesus-Prayer Rug-majig away. I hope you all enjoyed as much as I did!

Marriage

In this post I'm going to wax lyrical about 2 things. My relationship as I see it, and what I believe to be a good fix to the marriage issue.

I have never been a big fan of marriage. To me a piece of paper doesn't validate anything. I would be totally happy to cohabitate with Cori for the rest of my life. That piece of paper is completely useless to me. I know how I feel about her, she knows how she feels about me. I have already made the commitment to her that anyone would expect of a husband. I am faithful, I help with the bills, I love her to pieces, I support her choices, I laugh and cry with her, hell, I even clean sometimes. I have every intention of staying with her forever. Our relationship is solid, it's based on a realistic foundation and we communicate very well. It's not always easy, but no relationship is.

That said, I completely understand the allure of marriage. First there are the legal benefits. I can stay with her at the hospital, I can be given medical information, and I have the say on procedures. Then there is the validation that some people like to have. I just have an issue with marriage, but if signing a paper, dressing up, and seeing a lot of family members makes Cori happy and keeps her around, you bet I will do it. (Not any time soon though.) Now my issues with marriage in its current state, and my plan to fix them.

My real issue with marriage is that 1) we are excluding many people who wish to get married, and 2) It is where the church and state combine.

I want to see that combination split. The state can officiate a relationship and have it legally recognized, and churches can perform their own ceremonies. This way the state can provide legal benefits to people of all genders and gender combinations who wish to be recognized by the state, and the churches can continue to disallow anyone 'not pure enough' for their hoodoo. For most people, marriage will continue just as it has. You set up your ceremony, you go get the license, ta-da! If you choose not to be recognized by the state, then you work in the bounds of your religion, or non-religion, and go from there. If you want the legal protections of marriage you can get them without having to have a ceremony.

I can already anticipate a few arguments, so I'm going to address those now.

1. What if I'm already married?/You're trying to ruin my marriage!
My plan will not terminate any previous marriage, nor will it take away the special bond you and your spouse have. It simply allows the state to bow out of having to take religious views on who is and isn't appropriate to be married, and for people who don't want to be legally tied together to enjoy being in a more committed version of their relationship.

2. Won't this ruin our tradition of marriage?
No. Marriage has already ruined itself. It's so sacred that 52% of all first marriages end in divorce, and the numbers just go up with each subsequent marriage. Everyone deserves the same benefits and legal protections, regardless of sexuality.

3.This will allow gay marriage! How morally reprehensible!
Yes it will, and no, it's not reprehensible. If you believe gay marriage is wrong, then don't marry someone of the same gender. Your opinions/religious views/ignorance do not get to decide the rights of people. Even with a majority vote. This country has protections in place to protect its citizens from the tyranny of the majority, deal with it. You don't have the right to not be offended. My idea makes it so you can have your little ceremonies and call your relationship whatever you want, and you can discriminate anyone from your little clubs for whatever reason. Churches can already refuse to join individuals for whatever reason, and you can continue to do that with my idea. The state, however, is not allowed to discriminate.

4.The definition of marriage is between a man and a woman!
Perhaps in the dictionary, but definitions change. Marriage is not like it was. If it were, divorce would be illegal, women would be property, adultery could get you legally killed, etc. Times change, get used to it.

I really hope that one day this will be the treatment marriage receives. That it will be equal. That we, as a nation, can split religion and law. Uphold the constitution, protect the rights of all of our citizens, and quit this ridiculous 'morality' argument.

Behind the Zion Curtain

I hate Utah. I have lived here for 23 years, and I hate it. As soon as Cori is done with school I plan on packing up and leaving this place. Here are my reasons.

1. Utah treats adults like children.


In Utah if you want a beer you better be happy with 3.2. If you want anything else, you better be willing to go to the liquor store and pay out the ass, or go to a restaurant/brewpub and pay out the ass. If you desire to go to a bar, you better be OK with them scanning your ID into a database so the state knows where you have been. It's not any better than the private club laws we used to have. You can't get certain drinks because their alcohol content are too high. Just try to get a normal long island iced tea. Just try. I'm tired of having to do this song and dance to get what I want. It seems like every time they loosen the laws up, they tighten them up more so later. I'm honestly surprised we don't have dry counties. Hell, you have to be 19 to get cigarettes. I'm not a smoker, but if you are gonna give someone the right to vote, let them smoke too. I personally think this state tries to hold everyone by the hand and monitor every activity deemed 'sinful'. We still have laws on the books declaring premarital sex as a class B misdemeanor. If you treat us like adults, we will act like them.

2. Utah regularly shows it's dislike for 50% of its population.


It seems like every time the legislature in Utah gets together they make laws that suppress non-Mormons. This state has a rich history of allowing the church to bully legislation, or getting the 'righteous' elected to get the legislation through. News flash Utah, half of your population is not part of the dominant religion. But hey, fuck 'em right?

3. Utah Mormons are kinda dicks.


First let me say, I know tons of Mormons who are nothing but decent people. That aside, Utah Mormons are kinda dicks. They are completely OK with unfair rules and laws because it supports their faith. Make liquor harder to get? That's OK, alcohol is 'sinful'. Deny gays the right to marry? That's OK, homosexuality is 'sinful'. Just because you don't like it, agree with it, or condone it, does not mean it should be outlawed. A mystical book should have no bearing on the legislation of basic human rights, and the ability of adults to live as adults. Add to the list that in many places in Utah, non-Mormons are shunned from the community. In Utah county if you aren't Mormon your kids aren't allowed to play with other families kids. Growing up in Salt Lake county that wasn't a big issue for me, but I still saw it. I had a few people in high school who quit talking to me upon hearing I wasn't Mormon. My brothers lost friends after their family was told we weren't Mormon. I'm sorry, I don't wish to live a place where that is commonplace.

4. Utah is behind the Zion Curtain.


Lastly, and most damning for me, Utah ignores everything else. We disconnect ourselves from other states, let alone other countries. The average Utahn has no clue what life is like out of their state. We try to live in this little bubble, not wanting to play with others. I can't stand the lack of diversity, the lack of new ideas. We live in a stagnant culture, unwilling to change because it may upset someone. We put our hands on our ears, close our eyes and scream, "There is no outside world, no other opinions, they offend me, LALALALALA!". Utah is a racist, sexist, homophobic, intolerant, insular, and holier-than-thou place. The sad thing is, it has no plans to change. Gotta tow the line, keep the status quo. Don't wanna offend anyones delicate sensibilities.

I truly am tired of living in this state. It's full of natural beauty, my family, my friends, but I can't foresee myself staying here. I would rather meet the unknown than stay here.

Fuck Valentines Day

It's that time of year again. Valentines Day. I hate this holiday. Hands down, worst holiday (Easter is a close second, but deviled eggs are yummy).

Everyone seems to think that it is a very romantic day, but I am failing to see how it is. To me romance can't be forced. There is nothing romantic about me taking Cori out, buying her flowers, getting her jewelry, engraving her name in a plaque, or any of the myriad of other stupid shit people do on Valentines, if I am being expected to do it. There is zero romance in being expected to perform a task. It would be like making paying bills romantic. Love can't be forced to perform like a monkey, it has to come naturally. Love is not the giving of flowers, dinners, jewelry, red/pink hearts, etc. It is a feeling of connection and intimacy.

My other complaint is that as the man I am expected to pull out all the stops. You gotta set up dinner, buy her a gift, send her flowers, dress nicely, wear her favorite cologne, and if you can't do all that you are a failure. As the guy, I have to do it all. Ladies are expected to either put out (which should never be an expectation), or just be very happy with all their romantic gifts. Why don't the ladies have to go to the same extents? Why don't they take their men to dinner, buy him a gift (an expensive one, like what men are expected to give them, not just a little one), etc.? It would be more of a romantic gesture (seeing as it would be more unexpected).

So that is that. I hate the holiday. It's cheesy, lame, trite, idiotic, and pathetic. I hope for the day where we, as a culture, can say to ourselves, "It was Valentines day? I hadn't noticed." Fuck Valentines day.

Just For Funsies!

I was having a discussion with a coworker that inspired me to write this. We were trying to think of a speech that Obama could make that would start riots in the streets. It is scarily easier than I originally thought.

Obama's Speech:
Good evening my fellow Americans. I am here tonight to explain my newly proposed bill. You may have heard some rumors about it, and I assure you, they are all true. I have heard your complaints about my healthcare plan, and I assure you we will be removing it from the book. We will be replacing it with compulsory government issued healthcare. I have also heard the tea party's complaints about Medicare and government spending. I intend to cut government spending, and Medicare/Medicaid entirely, starting by removing any tea party members Medicare first. To help with the costs of the new healthcare system, I am instating an ammunition limit. Along with the limit, I will also be outlawing all firearms. Now to help our government bring in more revenue, I am also asking that we start taxing all churches. I said I would be introducing this new bill, and I lied. I have signed a presidential order and these laws were instated just 5 minutes before I addressed you.

Also, on a personal note, I am converting to Islam. Thank you, and goodnight.

Go Cori!

The wonderful Cori Lynne started school earlier this week! I'm very proud of her, and it is wonderful to see her pursuing her dreams! She is going to Taylor Andrews Hair Academy, and so far she is loving it. Again, I'm super proud of her and I will support her 100%. 

The only downside to her going to school is I am alone until a little after 10p.m.. It let's me get a lot of video game playing done, but it kinda gets boring. I'm still adjusting to the new schedule, and I will still get the weekends with her, so all is good. All in all I think this will be very good for us, and it is very good to see her finally pursuing her goals. Good job baby!

How To Behave(With Mormon Family)

In my early life I always had this feeling that I was supposed to be polite and not share my opinions on things. Especially when around my Mormon family. Now I was never told this, and it could just be my personality (they are family, why try and piss them off?), but I still always felt I was just supposed to keep quiet.

To understand where I am coming from, both early on, and later, in this post, you need to know a bit of my upbringing. I was never raised as an Atheist. I was never taught that there was no god(s), I was never taught that all religion is bullshit. In my home religion was a non-issue. We just never talked about it. At the time, my dad( a very vocal Atheist now) was not very talkative about his beliefs, at least not with me and my siblings. If we had questions he would answer them, but we were always told the decision was ours when we got older. We weren't allowed to go to most church things as children, but we were told why. My dad didn't want us to feel like we were outsiders, or those poor kids who haven't had god. He didn't want us to be indoctrinated, preferring to teach us to look at all things skeptically. I was personally OK with that. I went to church a few times and I thought it was a waste of a Sunday, and I went to the scouts once and was bored the entire time. So I was never told to dislike religion, only to look for evidence.

Back to my family. As a child I knew it was kinda expected that I not talk about that kinda stuff. As I started to get older, I could definitely tell that my opinion was not wanted. It was fine for my uncles and aunts (and, on occasion, cousins) to express their opinions on religion, but not me. I always thought that being quiet on the topics of religion and politics was polite, that it wasn't my place to share what I thought and make everyone uncomfortable, or even angry. And for a while I was OK with that. Keep to myself, don't make waves, keep the family happy.

Now that I am in, and moving through, my 20s, I have begun to see another view. Why should I have to be quiet? I am every bit as much a part of the family as they are. Why should I be expected to keep my mouth shut when they can openly spew their opinions? Now, when it comes to my family, I'm not necessarily spoiling for a fight, but I have recently taken to enjoying making them uncomfortable with my mere presence (it's like they can just sense my liberal-atheistness). I would never openly start an argument just for shits and giggles, but anymore I have come to believe one thing. If they feel they need to share their opinion about something, I feel they have invited me to share mine, feelings be damned. I am truly tired of having to be the silent party just to keep the peace. Why don't they not talk about it? I'm tired of feeling like a second class citizen within my own family. If they find what I have to say too shocking, they shouldn't talk it about while I'm around.  I am insulted that I have to be the one who keeps quiet, while they can say whatever they want and it's OK. I want the same respect that they expect me to give them. I may be younger, but I am not a child anymore.

I love my family, and I always will, but love means never having to apologize for who you are. I feel like sometimes they want me to.